Middle Warts
by Aragirl
Summary: LOTRHP What happens when half the cast of LOTR meets half the cast of Harry Potter
1. Default Chapter

Middle Warts  
  
Crossover  
Rated PG by...me!

Summary  
What happens when half the cast of LOTR meets half the cast of Harry Potter  
while at Hogwarts? No one really knows anything but that it will be a whirlwind of  
an adventure filled with laughter, terrifying pink cats, and parrot hats!  
  
Chapter 1  
Disclaimer: answering machine message 'The reader can't come to the phone  
right now so leave a message and he/she will get back to you' beep 'Hey what's  
up readers? My name's Aragirl and I did not write Harry Potter. I do not own any  
of the characters, terms, places, or anything Harry Potter-related in my story. I  
also own none of the Lord of the Rings characters. Except for my Legolas  
cardboard cutout. I also don't own Casey. She is owned by THECheeseTurkey.  
Thanks for letting me use her!  
  
As I sit on this spinning computer chair and spin, wearing a hat with a large parrot  
on it, I ponder over this story idea. Is it stupid? Probably....Do I care? Have I  
ever? NO! Woo! LOL. So, I shall start the story. I may have to stop briefly to  
converse with my muse, who happens to be the parrot on my hat... :-D So, let the  
story begin!!!!!  
  
Ron and Neville were in detention. Again. Professor Snape had decided that  
since their potions had been too runny, they deserved to redo them. In detention.  
On a beautiful sunny day.

"He's evil, I'm telling you! What were we supposed to add next?" Neville asked  
Ron.

"I think he is too! I think it was a brown cat hair," Ron responded.

Hermione and Harry had been standing outside the dungeon door waiting for  
Ron.

"Oh no! He's about to put in a brown cat hair!" Hermione squealed.

"So...." Harry said.

"Do you know what that will do?!" Hermione asked.

"No."

"Neither do I! It was in that book that the Polyjuice Potion was in. Seems strange  
that Snape would use a potion so similar to one in there. But I remember thinking  
that that was not a good potion to mix. I think we should tell them..." Hermione  
explained.

"How? Snape will freak out if we waltz in there!" Harry commented.

They both stared through the small window on the dungeon door.

"What are we going to do?! It can't be that bad though. If Snape is having us  
make a potion that could come out to be that it cannot be that bad of a potion."  
Harry decided.

A flash of lighting glistened across the ceiling. Harry and Hermione both looked  
up. The lightning disappeared as quickly as it had come. A revolving cylinder then  
seemed to revolve around something in the room. A low cackling could be heard.  
Wind surged through the room. Hermione and Harry were blown to the ground.

"What's happening?" Hermione screamed.

"I don't know!!!!!!" Harry replied.  
Suddenly all was quiet. Harry and Hermione got up and peered through the  
window in the door. Ron and Neville were nowhere to be seen. Instead, a  
strangely dressed group of people stood looking around.  
  
"Does this hat make me look stupid?" Jackie asked Eliza, "Is there a mirror in  
here?"

"Use me as your mirror" Eliza instructed. She grinned. This was fun. "You look  
great!"

"You do know that's a parrot hat right? With a parrot on it?" Rachel asked.

"Yes," Jackie replied.

"Okay, just making sure!" Rachel said.

Jackie paid for her parrot hat and put it on. Jackie, Rachel, and Eliza met up with  
their two other friends, Casey and Kianna.

"Nice hat!" Casey exclaimed when she saw Jackie.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you very much!" Jackie said.

All: (roll eyes)

"I'm so glad we won those free VIP tickets to come here to Nobie Ark!" Eliza said  
happily.

"I know! No lines!" Rachel exclaimed.

"Can we go in the mirror house?" Kianna asked.

"Mirrors! If you break one you get nine years of frizzy hair!" Casey announced," So  
don't bump into any!"

"That's seven years of bad luck bud!" Eliza corrected her.

"Ohhhhh!" Casey said slowly.

The five friends entered Nobie Ark's Mirror World. Is it a mirror or a doorway?  
Almost impossible to tell! As usual, the group stayed together so that none of  
them got lost. Knowing them, they would get stuck in there and never come back  
out.

"Ooooh! Look at this!" Eliza said as she crashed into a mirror and turned to look  
at another one next to it.

"That would be a mirror. Meaning it's not the way out. Meaning let's get over it  
and leave." Rachel announced.

"But Rachey! It's shiny!!!" Casey announced.

"It is? Ooooh! It is!" Rachel said.

Jackie and Kianna stepped forward to take a closer look.  
Jackie smiled and admired her reflection. The parrot hat was the perfect touch!  
Suddenly, she stumbled. Over nothing. Lightning began flashing outside. A voice  
on the loudspeaker was telling visitors to Nobie Ark to vacate the area  
immediately. Something had gone wrong. The rides were crashing down. Huge  
roller coasters fell where they were standing. The ferries wheel toppled over. The  
swingers on the swings flew away. The animals in the petting zoo had gone  
berserk!

"Jackie? Jackie?" Eliza called.

"I think she fell out of the mirror house!" Kianna exclaimed," Either that or she fell  
through the mirror!"

"Don't be so stupid, stupid! How can you fall through a mirror?" Casey asked  
stepping forward.

With a crash, Casey disappeared as well. A rolling cylinder of water enveloped  
the remaining friends. Cackling could be heard. Then, they were gone.

Gandalf, Frodo, Pippin, Aragorn, and Legolas sat in chairs. They were looking at  
a large screen.

"I will take it!" the Frodo on the screen exclaimed, "I will take the ring to Mordor!"

"Hey!" Frodo whispered to Legolas, "I look pretty good up there! I had no clue that  
they were filming the whole journey though. But look at that brilliant expression of  
bravery on my face!"

"You think you look good?!" Legolas said surprised, "Did you even see me? I  
looked awesome!"

"You only think you look awesome because of them!" Frodo retorted jerking a  
finger toward the roped off door hiding the screaming Legolas fans.

"Frodo, Legolas, let's not fight. Let us together rebuild this world." Aragorn  
laughed, "Can you believe I said that corny line?" He had long since ditched his  
crown and robe.

"I still can't believe I had to wear a twist tie in my hair!" Gandalf announced, "What  
was I thinkin'?"

"We were all wondering...." Pippin said smiling.

"I'm so glad we got together to watch this. How did we not notice that cameras  
were following us?" Frodo said.

"I dunno. Maybe we aren't as smart as we thought." Pippin decided.

"You never know!" Aragorn said.

"He's right you know!" Legolas agreed.

Gandalf smiled, "Fool of a Took! I love saying that!"

"Don't we all!" Legolas put in.

"Hey!" Pippin said as he threw several pillows at Gandalf and Legolas.

"Hey! You messed up my hair!" Legolas screamed at Pippin and ran into the  
bathroom.

"Nice going!" Aragorn said whacking Pippin with a pillow.

"Watch it, you foul Ranger!" Pippin said annoyed.

"You shouldn't have said that!" Aragorn said cracking a smile. "You goin' down!"

Aragorn, Frodo, and Gandalf all grabbed pillows and tackled Pippin, whacking  
him relentlessly with pillows.

"Uncle!" Pippin finally said.

Legolas returned to the room running a comb through his hair.

"What did I miss?"  
The four exchanged a quick smile until...

"Oooh look! The mirror of Galadriel!" Frodo said as he pointed to the screen.

The five friends stopped to watch Galadriel as she poured the water in the vase  
into the mirror. Frodo, on the screen, was looking into the mirror. He had just  
seen the eye. Frodo stumbled back, knocking the water from the mirror. The  
cascade of water landed on Aragorn's head, lurching him out of sleep. He pulled  
out his sword and accidentally cut the hair of a passing elf. The elf burst into tears  
and fled.

"I'm so glad they cut that out!" Frodo and Aragorn said together.

"Can we fast forward past this part?" Pippin said as he reached for the remote.

"No!" Frodo screeched and grabbed the remote. The two began to wrestle, trying  
to get the remote.

"It's mine it is! And I wants it!" Frodo announced, "My my my precious!"

"I knew he'd cracked" Aragorn said in an undertone to Gandalf, "Pity."

Frodo threw Pippin into the screen and the television screen shattered. The  
movie still played, but a layer of glass had fallen.

"Look at the screen! It's all funky!" Legolas announced.

"Look at you! You've learned a new word to store under all that hair!" Frodo said  
sarcastically.

"Hey Mr. Awesome Blue-Eyes! Aren't you a smarty with all the comebacks!"  
Legolas put in.

"Oh be quiet!" Frodo commanded, "You just wish you had blue eyes!"  
"I do have blue eyes!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes I do!"

"Keep dreamin' Leggy!"

"Call me Leggy one more time and I'll extend your blueness!"

"Want to say that to my face?"

"I just did!"

"SILENCE!" Gandalf yelled.

The television screen had gone white.

"Wow. That's white!" Pippin said.

"I wonder what will happen if I throw you into the screen again?" Frodo wondered.

"Let's not find out!" Pippin said as he tripped over Frodo's outstretched foot. He  
brought the television down on top of them and a rolling blue cylinder enveloped  
the group, Aragorn, Legolas, Frodo, Pippin, and Gandalf. Suddenly, the room was  
empty.  
  
Harry and Hermione stared at the three groups of people standing in the Potions  
classroom.

"Did I miss something?" Hermione asked.

" I think we all did!" Harry answered.

A scream split the air.


	2. The Purple Bubble

MIDDLE WARTS  
  
Chapter 2  
  
The Purple Bubble  
  
DISCLAIMER: Today I realized that I own neither Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter or Casey. I knew that Casey was owned by THECheeseTurkey but who are LOTR and HP owned by? I decided to take my question to the street. Here is my compilation of answers.  
  
ME: Do you know who owns HP or LOTR?  
  
JOE the LAWYER: I do not. If you are trying to say you do, I reserve the right to take you into court.  
  
ME: Uh...no thanks!  
  
ME: Do you know who owns HP or LOTR?  
  
ARIANNA the SUPER MODEL: Is that the movie with Orlando Bloom?! I love him!  
  
ME: Um...okay...go bond with Casey and Rachel, okay?  
  
ARIANNA: OKAY!  
  
ME: Do you know who owns HP or LOTR?  
  
RANDY the CAKE DECORATOR: I have a really nice Harry Potter cake! When you light the candle, the Quaffle goes throw it and gets lit on fire. Then it lands in the middle of the cake!  
  
ME: forgets original question But then doesn't the cake light on fire?  
  
RANDY the CAKE DECORATOR: I um, haven't worked out the little details yet!  
  
ME: Oh. Will you tell me if you ever get that...little problem figured out?  
  
RANDY the CAKE DECORATOR: I suppose...  
  
ME: Do you know who owns HP or LOTR?  
  
LISA the GARDENER: Is that a flower?  
  
ME: No..  
  
LISA the GARDENER: Pity. Sounds really nice...  
  
ME: They are movies. Do you know who owns them?  
  
LISA the GARDENER: No...want a free geranium?  
  
ME: Okay!  
  
ME: Do you know who owns HP or LOTR?  
  
J.R.R. Tolkien and J.K. Rowling: WE DO!  
  
ME: Oh okay! ()()()()()()()()()()  
  
"Would you stop screaming? I have enough of a migraine already without you adding to it, Miss Granger!" Albus Dumbledore said as he walked out of a secret passageway that seemed to have just appeared.  
  
"Sorry sir," Hermione replied quietly, knowing that Dumbledore would erupt as soon as he looked in the potions room. Ten Muggles running around Hogwarts was never good! And what was up with all of the cave men eating chicken?  
  
Harry quickly sized up the situation and stood as straight as he could so that Dumbledore wouldn't know about the Muggles in the Potions dungeon. Normally, Dumbledore would have laughed at this situation. But after Harry, Hermione, and Ron's latest adventure, when they lost Fawkes, Dumbledore had been angry with them. He refused to forgive them. Unless they brought back Fawkes. The three friends had searched high and low for the bird and had had no luck whatsoever.  
  
Dumbledore frowned. These two were hiding something! But, a spark of hope was lit in his mind. Perhaps it had something to do with finding Fawkes! He had best let them go about their business.  
  
"Very well. As long as you keep the noise level down!" Gandalf said as he turned around.  
  
Harry and Hermione watched his slumped back retreat from them.  
  
"I wish we could find Fawkes. He seems so lost without his bird," Hermione whispered.  
  
"Hermione, there are a bunch of Muggles standing inside of that room instead of Ron and Neville and you're talking about a bird?!" Harry exclaimed.  
  
"Good point!" Hermione said as she slammed open the door to the dungeon.  
  
"Yo what's up Muggle daugs?" Harry said as he walked in.  
  
[all stare]  
  
"What he means is what in the world are you doing in here?" Hermione translated.  
  
"What he means is what in the world are you doing in here?" Harry mimicked.  
  
"What he means is what in the world are you doing in here?" Hermione mimicked Harry mimicking herself.  
  
"What he means is what in the world are you doing in here?" Harry mimicked Hermione mimicking himself mimicking Hermione.  
  
Gandalf strode up to the two mimickers and whacked them both on the head.  
  
"Oww..."  
  
"Tell us how to get home or I will curse you two into the darkest abyss known to wizard.  
  
"What's that?" Harry asked.  
  
"How could you be so stupid? Obviously it's some bottomless pit that we will land in." Hermione explained.  
  
"More like Mount Doom but whatever," Gandalf said.  
  
"Mount Doom isn't a dark abyss! Do you even know what abyss means?" Aragorn exclaimed.  
  
"No..." Gandalf admitted.  
  
"It means primitive! Mount Doom isn't primitive!" Aragorn yelled.  
  
"How would you know? You chickened out before we got there!" Frodo announced to Aragorn.  
  
"SILENCE!" Hermione screamed," Now, how did you guys get here?"  
  
Everyone opened his or her mouth to speak.  
  
"That obviously won't work! You, with the frizzy hair, how did you get here?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Through the shiny mirror," Casey replied.  
  
"Okay...and you, blondie, how did you and your friends get here?" Hermione asked.  
  
"The television screen fell on our heads," Legolas answered.  
  
Casey gasped, "OMG!"  
  
"What?" Hermione said.  
  
"You picked em and you picked Legolas! It's fate that we were meant to be together!' Casey announced as she dashed toward Legolas.  
  
"Casey, do you remember the talk we had about personal space?" Legolas asked, "Cause you're invading mine."  
  
"Sorry" Casey said with a sickeningly sweet smile.  
  
"And you," Hermione said, pointing to who seemed to be the leader of the chicken-eating cave men, "How did you get here?"  
  
""Ugga um huloom" the cave man asked as he went to his other cave men friends and bopped them on the head with his half eaten chicken leg. The group disappeared.  
  
"Maybe they got here by eating chicken," Jackie suggested.  
  
"Riiiiight," Hermione said.  
  
"The point is, if Dumbledore finds out you guys are here, we are so dead!" Harry said.  
  
"Or worse, expelled!" Hermione announced.  
  
[all roll eyes]  
  
"So let's start some intros!" Pippin said,"My name is Pippin!"  
  
"Gandalf the White"  
  
"Frodo"  
  
"Aragorn"  
  
"Legolas"  
  
"What's my name again?" Kianna asked.  
  
"Kianna," Rachel supplied," I would be the famous Rachel, or Cheesy if you wish!"  
  
"So called famous you mean?" Jackie said as she ducked a large cheese log being aimed at her. "I'm Jackie!"  
  
"I'm Casey!"  
  
"I'm Eliza..."  
  
"Hey Hermione?" Jackie asked.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can we do magic?"  
  
"I think so..."  
  
"Good!" Jackie said, "dispario pistachio!"  
  
Eliza disappeared in a puff of green smoke. A pistachio sat where she had been standing.  
  
"Um, that didn't work!" Jackie announced, "I was trying to make it rain pistachios..."  
  
"Oooh are we in a potion lab?" Legolas asked Harry.  
  
"Unfortunately," Harry replied.  
  
"Do you guys have any hair care potions?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Yeah in the gray cupboard over there," Harry answered.  
  
Legolas opened the cupboard and selected a potion in a star shaped bottle. He promptly sprayed it into his hair.  
  
"You guys have no idea how hard it is to keep hair like mine looking perfect," Legolas began. He was interrupted by a ping! That seemed to have come from his head.  
  
The group turned toward him. Every strand of hair on his head was shooting off small golden stars.  
  
"Ow!" Casey squealed when one hit her nose. Her nose began to grow...and grow...and grow until it was the size of a watermelon  
  
Legolas' hair continued shooting out stars that were clearly full of Skele- Gro.  
  
"STOP THE MADNESS!" Kianna screamed.  
  
"Dosie do!" Casey screamed as she grabbed Kianna's arm and they dosie doed.  
  
Hermione grabbed her wand from inside her pocket and whispered a quick incantation. The stars continued to shoot out but nothing happened when you got hit.  
  
Hermione surveyed the damage. Casey had a watermelon nose, Legolas had an extra large foot, Harry had a massive finger, Rachel's hand had swollen so that she could barely lift it, and she, Hermione, had a rather large ear.  
  
Casey reached into her pocket and pulled out a water balloon. She walked over to the cabinet and selected a potion of bubbling green liquid. Its odor was foul and it seemed to be hissing. She filled the balloon and reached into her pocket for more balloons. Soon she had six dozen balloons filled with a different liquid each time. Everyone watched her. Casey picked up a balloon and broke it over her nose. Her nose turned purple.  
  
"Well that's good enough for me!" Casey said happily as she walked away from the balloons.  
  
"Was there even a point to that?" Legolas whispered to Pippin.  
  
"I don't think so," Pippin replied.  
  
Gandalf rolled his eyes and walked over to the rest of the balloons. Taking his staff, he poked each one. Setting down his staff he threw a balloon at Casey, Hermione, Legolas, Rachel, and Harry. They all returned to normal. With the exception of Casey who still had a purple nose.  
  
"You guys are woohoo! I'm going to go find Dumbledore. I knew him from the old days!" Gandalf said and walked off in a huff.  
  
"What a grumpy old man!" Kianna said.  
  
"Look you guys. You seem really nice but...Hermione, Ron, and I are in enough trouble as it is. Could you please just...go home?" Harry asked.  
  
"Like we wouldn't want to!" Frodo answered.  
  
A purple mist suddenly enveloped the group. A large purple bubble appeared. Purple clouds seemed to be rolling around inside of it.  
  
Casey stared at the bubble,"Can I touch it?" was the first question out of her mouth.  
  
Kianna was also staring at the bubble. Unlike Casey she did not ask to touch the bubble. Kianna walked up to the bubble and poked it.  
  
" YOU DARE TO TOUCH THE BUBBLE OF DOOM?!" the bubble said. Two red eyes appeared with evil eyebrows arching over them. A mouth popped up, set in a sneer. The bubble also had a goatee.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Casey screamed. Windows broke.  
  
"Calm your chickens!" Jackie added.  
  
"NO! I am supposed to be the stupid one in this story. I do the stupid pointless things. Not her!" Casey said pointing threateningly to Kianna.  
  
"I was here first!" Kianna said.  
  
"I was created first!" Casey retorted.  
  
"Well I love Legolas more!" Kianna screamed.  
  
Legolas looked around, very confused.  
  
"You do not! I do!" Casey replied.  
  
"How about you both be stupid?" Aragorn suggested.  
  
"You're brilliant!" the two chorused together.  
  
"I have been told that!" Aragorn replied with a smile.  
  
"SILENCE YOU PRIMITIVE BEASTS!" the purple bubble commanded.  
  
Silence rang throughout the room.  
  
"Now listen closely. You have been brought here today by the will of another. This person conjured me to doom you for life. In doing this, I will do random things to you to cause horrifying horror. The sole way you can stop me is to discover the secret of the castle and its grounds. To make this even tougher than it is already, I shall split you into two groups. Talking with members of the opposite group is forbidden. If you do, doom will befall you. Both groups must figure out the secret by themselves. As you attempt to find the secret, I will begin the actions of doom against you." the purple bubble finished.  
  
Frodo wrinkled his nose,"Do we have to?"  
  
"YES!" the bubble roared in Frodo's face. Frodo's hair went swooshed back.  
  
"Now pick your teams! You cannot have either of those elderly guys. If they discover that these visitors are in the castle, doom will befall you." the bubble added.  
  
"But Gandalf is one of us!" Aragorn protested.  
  
"Fine if Dumbledore finds out that Gandalf brought friends and that you girls are here doom will befall you. Now pick your teams. It's almost time for my lunch break!" the bubble decided.  
  
"I think me and Harry should each be captains...since we know our way around," Hermione said.  
  
In the end, Harry's team consisted of Frodo, Aragorn, Kianna, and Rachel. Hermione's team had Legolas, Pippin, Jackie, and Casey. Jackie had also stuck Eliza the pistachio in her pocket, hoping that she would be able to change her back. The bubble disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke and the teams left the potions dungeon.  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
So what do you think? Don't forget to review! If anybody wants to be in the story, e-mail me at Jackie692aol.com and tell me your name and what House you want to be from, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, or Ravenclaw. Also, please make sure you read the disclaimer. I am thinking of doing a story with just things like that. Please tell me what you think! 


End file.
